Day one of this round of the travels draws to a close. Considering that I didn’t get out of bed till 12 today, I got a lot done.
Breakfast at 12.30. Late start is due to mixture of effects from the flight and the beer last night!! Ended up going out with a few that I met in hostel. 2 Americans, 2 German girls, a Swiss, a Belgian and a girl from Naas!! Good enough night but strange vibe at times!
Had some dinner & then to bar. Then another bar, which was fairly weird. Feeling of tension in the air. Unnecessary tension. A lot of indecision, impatience and narkyness. Exactly why I don’t really travel in groups. People wanting to do different things. Some wanting to do their thing and being bossy. Others wanting to do their own thing but ending up feeling awkward. Ensuring to avoid confrontation at all costs and ending up being too overly accommodating. Nobody satisfied, only frustrated. Great freedom comes while travelling alone. And yet we must learn to handle these group scenarios, or we will end up hermits on the road. Travelling alone is great, yet meeting the people remains the best part of travelling. It’s funny. I value very much spending time alone, and still I regard meeting others as the most important part of the adventure. As I was to learn and be reminded of continuously this year, the key word is BALANCE. A crucial part of life is to have balance in what you do. Crucial.
While out last night, we got onto the subject of age. I felt a bit awkward when I was one of the oldest there, at 29. 29? How the hell am I 29? What the hell am I doing here? Am I too old to be at this craic? Was I nuts to leave home and all that I left behind to go doing this? The negative thoughts creep in and once again, I deeply question my decision which has taken me here. 30 soon………No house, no job, not married, a car fit for the scrapyard!!!! Hard to believe I will be 30 soon. My new temporary friends were shocked at how old I was and how young I looked!!! Made me feel old hanging with them, who were from 19-23 and one was older than me. Looking at it honestly, I have to admit that I envy their youth. But I realise this is an unhealthy state of mind, to envy others youth. This mindset will only get worse as I get older. An attitude like this will only ensure resentment and discontent.
I must learn from this. Learn the lesson that time is precious and we must ensure to make the most of our time. Time passes for everyone and cannot be bought. Money can buy your house, your nice clothes, your car but no amount of cash will buy you time. Someday, our time will be coming to an end on this planet and I wonder how will each of us look back on how we spent our time here.
Will we be satisfied with how we utilised our precious time???
Will we be happy with what we have experienced and content that we have lived our life to the full?? Or will we look back with sorrow and regret that we carelessly wasted our time, living most of our lives blindly on autopilot????
I know I will probably look back at 39 and laugh that I thought 29 was getting on!! I will think of all time I had ahead of me. I am vowing now to enjoy things more because someday I will look back and envy all the time I had ahead of me………….
So much living to do.
So many places to visit, foods to taste, people to meet and moments to enjoy!!!
I can sometimes be a worrier & can let the small things stress me out. But I can also be brave and am motivated to put myself out there. I must stop worrying about the future and what I will do when I return. I’ve just left and thoughts of what I will do on my return have already entered my mind. Pointless, yet I can’t help it. Must enjoy the experience I’m having now and worry about the future when I get there!!! I reflect back on my time in France when I had back trouble and it makes me feel very grateful to be here in Kathmandu at all. About to embark on a journey and a dream that I’ve had for a very long time. Not even about to embark on, but actually already on!! The wheels are in motion !!
Who knows what lies ahead.
Who knows where it will take me.
Who knows what doors will be opened for me, that I never even knew existed!!
Exciting times ahead.
Istanbul Airport, Sunday 6th April 2014 18.45pm
So, here I am in Istanbul. Stopping off on route to Kathmandu. Jesus, it’s all happening so fast after all the waiting! This morning was very surreal. The whole thing is still very surreal. Never really got too excited about this. Only booked this flight on Thursday I suppose but haven’t really thought about or planned it much. Mammy & Eva brought me to airport. Kept the going away thing very low key this time. Much prefer that after my failure the last time!! Felt very weird this morning. Like it wasn’t really registering with me that I was actually going. Strange. Not sure what to expect and don’t expect a lot after the last time (had to return home after 4 weeks due to back trouble!!).
Flight from Dublin to Istanbul flew by. Thoughts going through my head on flight and in the last few days ……………. Am I crazy to be doing this?? Should I not just settle down at home and put my savings towards a house? Settle into a job and do what everyone else my age is doing…….getting engaged/married, buying houses, having kids, saving money. Sometimes I think I would be better off doing that. The more time I spend at home, the more I feel it. Getting sucked in! Then I tell myself that can wait. Go travel. Spend the money! Don’t be wasteful, yet don’t become stingy either! You need a balance, otherwise the fun goes out of it. I want to do this while I can & not look back wishing I’d gone sooner. I realise I’m going against the grain but I feel it is a chance worth taking.
In the airport in Istanbul and suddenly I feel very alone. All on my own. It is a scary feeling and makes me feel like a very small fish in a very big pond! Away from the comfort zone of home. Fending for myself and I have to admit I do feel a bit afraid right now. Big change going from comforts of home & that safe environment to being out in the wild!! No routine & flying solo. Amazing how your daily life and routine can change just like that. Stepping outside the comfort zone. Well out of it!! Some people never leave the comfort zone, through fear. And others are very happy & satisfied in their lives and that is great for them. For me, I need more right now. I want to challenge myself and see what this world has to offer & what it can bring out in me.
One thing that I’m reminded of here in the airport is the amount of outstandingly beautiful women there are in this world!!! Outrageous beauty! People from different places and backgrounds. It is great to see and & just reminds me how small a bubble we actually live in back home. To see such difference and uniqueness is refreshing. Different nationalities, languages, clothes, accents, hairstyles, colours, shapes, styles! It is a great thing to witness and a wonderful thing to experience. To be in the middle of it and part of it at the same time!! Incredible!!